| Madagascar |
6/2/2005 |
by Madagascar, the Country
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This is a picture of me from '98. I have shorter hair now.
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Just got back from the multiplex (parking was a bitch!). I saw the movie "Madagascar" and feel it is my duty to report about its terrible misrepresentation of me. For those of you you do not know, I am an island country located off the coast of Southern Africa in the Indian Ocean, just east of Mozambique. My capitol city is Antananarivo (pop 4,000,000). Now that you know a little about me and we are friends, you will believe me when I tell you that the animated film "Madagascar" (Gee, I wonder where they came up with that name?!) is in no way an accurate portrayal of me. And speaking on behalf of my inhabitants, I must take severe umbrage at the film's physiological animal details. The creatures that live and breathe on me are in no way endowed with any quantifiable linguistic abilities, let alone, the ability to speak fluent English. Why, if they COULD speak, they'd surely speak French or Malagasy, languages native to me. And they most certainly wouldn't sound anything like Chris Rock or David Schwimmer or funnyman Ben Stiller, for that matter (I must say that while I enjoy much of Mr. Stiller's work, he's really become overexposed as of late. Am I right, people?).
While the film focuses on the journey of the animals through my harsh and gritty jungles (Folks, in truth, my jungles aren't that severe. It's kind of like being in Sarasota, ya know?), it fails to include any mention of my other vast resources, such as my chief industrial imports (agriculture, textiles, and cement) or my religions (Christianity and Islam). In fact, the movie has the gall to not even mention my infant mortality rate (78.52 deaths/1,000 live births)! The nerve! It's one of my proudest achievements. Also, my country is not rated PG for "mild language, crude humor, and some thematic elements" and its narrative does not suffer from crippling Dreamworks mediocrity.
So, in conclusion, if you want BLATANT and completely FABRICATED DAMN DIRTY LIES about me, go out and enjoy "Madagascar." Now, if you'll excuse me...I'm gonna go fuck Zimbabwe.
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