| The Fog |
10/20/2005 |
by Tom
This film is a documentary about the pioneers of smoke and it’s marvelous! It begins with the discovery of smoke, sometime around depression era 1930s by Dr. Alfred Smoke, who specialized in Vaporology or “the study of vapors and noxious fumes.” Since most were jobless, penniless, and homeless, the “smoke” was a wonderful diversion and caught the fancy of many, if not most, Americans. From bonfires to camp fires to heavy arson, everyone was getting into the burning spirit – all to be entertained by this newfangled smoke! FDR even torched Eleanor in a symbol of good will to symbolically (and literately) “lighten up” our darkening depression filled era.
Then in 1953, along came Sir Ivan Van Vanningham, an Inventioneer from Parts Unknown (pop. 17,431). Vanningham’s latest invention was a mobile fog machine that could create smoke without any dangerous fires at all. All it needed to run was a wall outlet, some water, and about a hundred pounds of crushed asbestos. Soon, families (broken or otherwise) could rejoice indoors, usually with very little ventilation, of the visually stunning smoke spectacle. Years and untold countless deaths later, it was discovered that asbestos had harmful side effects when breathed in, worn, licked, and eaten as a delicious breakfast cereal. Van Vanningham was ruined! He spent the rest of his old age whittling and listlessly pondering his ridiculous name.
From 1954-1963, there was a smoke dark age. Water grew in popularity, but it didn’t have smoke’s pizzazz and visual flair. (Plus, there were allegations that it beat its wife).
Then in 1964, coincidentally the same year the Beatles made their legendary Ed Sullivan appearance (this is irrelevant information – I apologize), a dark haired ruggedly gay (but heterosexual) looking man with dreamy eyes you could fall into named Dom Dwelling came onto the scene and re-launched the smoke machine as “the fog machine.” Dom Dwelling, portrayed in “The Fog” by TV’s Tom Welling, the strapping young hunk muffin of man flesh from “Smallville,” revolutionized how we view and see smoke. Instead of the harmful effects of asbestos based smoke, Dwelling had the simple notion of using the common household material named “Substance X” which mysteriously appeared on Earth from an unknown alien planet outside our solar system. Smoke, now bigger than ever, was soon introduced to Hollywood as a special effect tool. From horror films to dream sequences to the landscape of “Heaven,” smoke (or “fog” as street people call it) was everywhere on the silver screen.
So, if you’re a fan of Tom Welling, fog, and America, be sure to “smoke” out this movie!*
* By “smoke out,” I don’t mean “burn down the theater,” but “view the motion picture with your eyeballs in a theatrical filmed cinema setting.”
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