| Hello...AND WELCOME! |
8/12/2003 |
by Jon
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I just make sense.* *Awarded most original joke ever.
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Hello, Let Me introduce myself; my name is Leacock Phinnibee the III. You have heard little from me in the past about the economic crisis and intense foreign issues that this country is facing. I would assume that you thought that I didn’t care about the issues we are facing as a country. But alas my friends I now move forward and spread the word that I do care about this country, a whole fricken lot. That is why I have decided to run for the esteemed title of Master of New England. For there is no part of this country more revered and more loved than that of our mighty New England. It is because of this respect, because of this power, this threshold of new begginingness. It is because of my love to command that you must elect me Master of New England!!!(Pronounced as He-Man does when he claims he “has the power”)! I will enact changes that will not only enhance New England’s status, but I will also make decisions to benefit other countries, like the Pacific Ocean, Greenland, and some glaciers. So vote for me Leacock Phinnnibee the III. PUT A COCK IN OFFICE!!
I recently made a speech to some delegates (drunk hobos) and I managed to cause quite a “rabalry”. For the few out there who did not get to hear my speech. I have taken the liberty of posting it on this fine website. ENJOY!!!
Lately our great states have undergone hardships never expected. For not long ago did our beloved man on the mountain crumble to no more than a pile of useless granite. Soon after the Celtics were effectively shutdown by the Nets in the NBA playoffs. Then, as if we had not suffered enough, we came to find out our beloved Pacey, Joey, Dawson and Buffy were leaving television forever. Yet, we stand here strong today, on the brink of choosing our MASTER OF NEW ENGLAND!!!. If I may quote one Mr. Cent. “They sayz you a wanksta and that you never popped nothing, they sayz you a wanksta and that you better stop fronting. That you go to the dealership and don’t even cop nothing.” If I may interpret “fiddays” rhetorical message I believe it to be him crying out to to the youth of New England. We need a Master who will fight for the People, will fight the things that oppress us as New Englanders. We need someone who will fight the snow not with shovels but with the weapons of Mass Destruction Saddam sold me a couple months agoooahhh I mean…soda…yeah…lots of soda. This is the way fifty would want it. So please my friends, don’t vote for me because of my plans for the New England’s grand takeover, don’t vote for me because I have a tie with adorable kitty cats on it. Don’t vote for me even though I have pokemon trading cards in my wallet. Vote for me, because I believe, I believe in you, I believe in us, I believe…. in leprechauns, they’re everywhere.
Thank you.
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