| Put a cock in office. |
9/10/2003 |
by Jon
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I now play a time traveling lumberjack!
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Hello, hello, hello again all my fine New England patrons we are in the furnace of the election now, it is indeed intense. I am spreading the word of the people, to the people; warning them about the subliminal messages on the back of E.L. Fudge cookies and the importance of every New Englander learning Judo. In the midst of my hard work my opponents have slandered me on numerous occasions. They have shown me up and stunted all my progress towards my goal to become MASTER OF NEW ENGLAND!!!(Said similar to the way He-Man proclaims he possesses the power). After being humiliated many a time, I am going to show my innovativeness and genius in calling out my opponents in a way never done by any candidate running to be the Master Of New England. Buck Drone of Chester Vermont, I challenge you to show how much you love New England by accepting my challenge in a sword fight to the death on top of the Statue of Liberty. If the Statue of Liberty is booked, then any skyscraper will do. The only discrepancy is that is must be at least 100 floors of sheer terror. Only there, a top the tallest building, during a thunder storm or tornado, can we test each others might, valor and right to be blessed with the title of Master of New England. Now Mr. Drone might ridicule my idea saying it is “ludicrous” and/or “impossible”. But I tell you now my minions that he is just afraid. He does not have the true ability and right to be Master of New England. I Leacock Phinnibee the III want to be your Master.
If he happens to accept my challenge then we shall peruse in combat wearing only black and white robes armed with 27-inch Kitana blades. We will fight as long as we have to until one of the candidates is smitten.....or smotten I guess. Then the winner will enter the victory circle, put on the victory parachute and jump off the building. He will then pull the cord and a parachute featuring the phrase “BIG MAN ON CAMPUS”, will deploy from his pack. He will then float down to earth in the awakenings of his complete and total victory. The losers’ body will be shot out of a cannon over the ocean where a tomahawk missile will collide with his body. Oh yeah, and before the cannon propels his corpse over the sea someone, preferably Christopher Lloyd, will yell “Pull”.
So come on Buck, come on anybody who wants a piece a da Phinnibee 3. I fight all yall and inflict the blade of pain upon each and everyone one of you for only one simple reason; I want to make New England even newer. So join the fight to put a cock in office. Vote Leacock Phinnibee the III for Master of New England and lets tell New Jersey to shove it..
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