| THE LEGEND OF CHEWBACCAS' DAD |
10/20/2005 |
by Jon
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Young Rhondabecbacca with her father.
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We have all heard of Chewbacca and his amazing adventures doing all this crap in space. But who the hell and what the hell happened to the man who got it all started? ChewBacca’s Dad! I have friends(mostly jerks name Julie) who say that Chewbacca’s dad was brutally and rectally murdered by a bounty hunter named Boba Fett. I, however, know this to not be true, for I dove into the old card catalog and did some research on this interesting character, and would like to present the....... LEGEND OF CHEWBACCA'S DAD..
(Note: This story may contradict every known piece of information currently known.)
Chewbacca’s Dad, Thunderbacca, was born in Wookie Town to his mother Fionabacca. Thunderbacca’s Dad was a Mill worker who was killed tragically when a pile of space coal fell on his head and he wasn’t wearing any safety gear, this cemented Thunderbacca’s reputation as a tough guy who never wore his seatbelt. (In honor of his late father)
When young Bacca became a middle youth (The wookie word for teenager) His parents made him get a job at the Orange Julius Down the street. It was there he met Pedrobacca, an exchange student from Galactamod, a planet on the eastern side of the Chuck Norris Galaxy. Neither one of them had any friends so they started "macken it", the wookie phrase for "To start a friendship." They formed a gang called the Thunder Pedros then toured the galaxy stealing space-cars and eating space jello.
On one of their adventures Thunderbacca met a lovely wookie girl or "slutkie" as they are referred to in Bacca-tongue. They commenced mating wookie style, which is so confusing, so mathematical and so super sexy that I dare not express it here, and successfully carmalized a baby.
3 space years later lovely Rhondabecbacca was born. She was lovely, but she died, and they had Chewbacca to erase their sorrow. Indeed Chewy, for the first few years of his life, was referred to as only "the replacement". But he came of age, started flying ships and shooting guns. Then he got gay and ran off with some hairless hobo named Han and he was never seen again. No one knows what happened to him, figured he probably died in a dumpster doing coke off some Ewok's dead carcass.
Anyway, Thunderbacca started a dance studio and lived happily forever after. Which brings me to my original point. Chewbacca's dad is not dead, he never died. He lives on forever and ever...in our hearts.
Sha na na naaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
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