| If my kid’s a bully, I hope he’s the best bully there is. |
4/24/2007 |
by Jon
I recently read a study about kids who bully and are bullied, and besides telling me that all kids are pussies, a fact I already knew. It also said that something no parent wants to hear is “Your son is a bully” I say specifically son because everyone knows girls don’t bully, there too busy with their crazy vaginas. What upset me about this article was all the parents talking about how devastating it was to find out your child; who yells at home, who hits at home, who complains, whines, and throws shit at your home, is also doing the same exact thing at school. I can’t imagine being one of those distressed parents in the principals office hearing about my child’s al Qaeda like actions, mainly because I am not a pussy and would have punched the principal in the face as soon as he questioned why my son would do what he did. If some sort of school or public official told me that my son beat the crap out of some other son, then I would immediately ask how gruesome the battle was. If the answer that precedes their response was not satisfactory I would go straight home and beat the ass out of my kid until he learns to do it right! If my kid is going to be a bully, he better be the best damn bully there is.
Now Granted I have no little Jonny’s running around, and thank goodness….for YOUR kids, because if there was a pack of Jonny’s on the prowl, you may as well home school your kids, because they ain’t gonna learn shit with the beatings my kids would put them through. They would be too busy figuring out ways to staple their underwear to their own bodies to think about math, geography and Gym! Instead of buying nice new Nike shoes or a warm jacket for your child, you would have to send them to school in rags, because anything you buy for your kid you're in reality buying for my kid to have fun stealing. If you complain, it won’t matter, possession is nine tenths the law and I sit with a pocket full of your dignity in my jeans…wait, in your jeans actually, because I stole your damn pants!
That’s what I Do! You can’t tell your kids to do their best at everything they attempt unless you mean EVERYTHING THEY ATTEMPT! Being it a merit badge, a first date, renting a library book, or kicking the crap out of some bowel bitch who wore a pokemon shirt one year later than my kid deems acceptable. Hopefully my son carries these principles with him throughout his life, granted being physically harmful can result in police action later in life, but the best part about being a kid is getting away with everything and by the time he’s 18, he can tell everyone he has learned his lesson and settle back with the friends, family, and girlfriend who all fear him. All because his precious growing process wasn’t interrupted by psychologists and concerned parents who think suffocating those weaker than you in the sand is bad. They say this because they were bullied as children, and they don’t want their children to go through the same pain they did. But I went through pain all the time when I was a kid and do I want to protect my child? Fuck no, what kind of role model would I be for my bully son if I was all nice and polite talking? I’ll be damned if he’s going to turn out like some other boy bitch getting his ass beat on the playground for his half bag a skittles. He deserves the whole damn bag, because he is my son and I love him. Fuck your kid, I don’t love him. Better teach him some punches or something, my son needs a challenge, he also needs some flip flops, your sons new pair looks nice.
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