The only thing this person is guilty of is being too popular!

What really has me….pissed? Fashnookad? Confused I guess, is how it seems everyone in “World Famous” is getting wasted and them hopping in their car. I know it has always been happening, but it seems that everyday I turn on my Christian Gospel rock radio station and there is another story about a millionaire or movie/rock/rap/porn/daytime star getting busted for DUI or DWI and personally I don’t think it is LOL anymore.
I mean, we know where some of the money is going too because the report never says “Omar Epps crashed his 1998 Ford Focus into a California guardrail last night” or “Madonna drove her KIA through another group of children at a bus stop” the crashes always involve the most elaborate rare types of vehicles, the type where there are only ten of them on the planet and they all get fucked up. “Hey guys, I’m shit plastered! Let’s skip the Datsun trip tonight and take out my brand new Lamborghini La Thundering Twister with its V12 engine that runs only on horse blood and costs more than the moon.” Come on! If I was that fucking rich in the first place, you think I would drive myself? Fuck no, I would have someone cart my ass around 24/7! Either a very old man in a tux named Jeeves or Jeffrey, or two twin supermodels with super powers. See, I would spend my money on things that mattered, being lazy and being entertained!

This way I could get as drunk or stoned or whatever my heart desired as much as I want and nobody would have anything on me. These famous assholes only get busted for drugs or something other than drunk driving, when they try to get on a plane, Snoop or Michael Vick for example. If I was that damn rich and I had my supermodel superheroes driving me, then I would never fly, what’s the point? Don’t even bring up the case if I want to go to a foreign country. If I’m rich enough to have myself driven everywhere then I am sure as hell rich enough to build a sea-car. Plus it’s fucking cool! “Hey Tom, would you rather fly on my private jet to Tahiti, or take my SEA-CAR?!” See which one they choose…if you have a friend name Tom. I would because I’d be rich, and if I perchance didn’t, then I would pay someone to change their name. It’s all so simple; I could do virtually anything because of my sexy richness. The only thing I couldn’t do was DRIVE FUCKIN DRUNK!

This gets me back to my original point, maybe people, from celebrities to normalebrities like to drive drunk because they are told they can’t. Just like drugs, maybe the thrill of doing something illegal is what makes the 3 a.m. excursion down the wrong side of the highway so alluring. If this is the case then we should really re-think our “Stay in school” campaign. Tomorrow if we kicked every kid out of class and said it is illegal for you to learn anything; I can’t help but wonder if kids would then try to buy a “dime bag” of geography? Or get “stoned out” on the periodic table in a back alley? Maybe it’s the thrill of the hunt that keeps so many people getting in cars after tipping back a few and racing the odds of jail time and ridiculous fines. As you all know, I live a life of unscrupulous danger, filled with slick women and hot roads, so then why don’t I, the quintessential badass go drunk driving? Maybe it’s because I’m too cool, maybe it’s because I’m not cool enough, maybe I haven’t yet lived a thrilled enough life for me to put someone else’s life in danger when I get into my SUV after too many Shirley Temples. Or maybe I’m just too damn tired to argue anymore. I need to relax, I’m gonna call my brothers friend and score some Gym.