WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING DAMNIT?

Long story short, I had to kick hotness and her fuck buddy out of Eden. Wham Bam Boom Eden sucks again. So I thought why in the hell don’t I make some more people? I even thought to take it one step further than that; I would come up with a whole new human design, the complete opposite of what I had created in Adam and Eve. It seemed like a good idea at the time. So what took me a full day of hard crafty labor with Adam and the Evester I finished in about 20 minutes with my new designed humans; Chester and Heather. Chester stood a meager 5’2” from the ground, balding and completely hairless expect for on his back where a tangled sweaty brush of dark pubic-like hair grew furiously. He weighed in at 320 pounds and his feet smelled horrible, his penis was pathetic.

After I finished I had to look away for a few moments and gain my composure. He was no prize but thought it would all work out for the better in the end once I had completed his counter part; Heather was 6’ 2” with tube legs, cankles, and rash-like acne ridden skin. Her hips and ass gelled together giving her no waist and a center measurement of nearly 65 inches. She had short gray hair that grew all over her body, most of all on her legs and ass. When she was done she had the figure of a bloated Tootsie roll and her head looked like a bowling ball. I put them both together and immediately began vomiting violently all over creation. You can recognize the mess now as Mexico.

I took a few days off to think about what I had done, plus I figured it wouldn’t look so bad once I took a break and then went back with a fresh point of view. Me damn was I fuckin wrong. My first rule of business was to destroy these ugly monstrosities, what would the other Gods at the club think if they saw this shit? There was only one problem, I had to have a reason to kick them out and I couldn’t find one. They were so damn well behaved! While Adam and Eve spent there days fucking wildly in every bush, garden, and tree they could find, constantly using curse words, trashing Eden, and wasting any of its resources they could get there hands on. These disgusting fuglies were always getting along with everything around them! They planted trees, cleaned up after themselves, they never had sex except to please themselves solely in private when they were sure no one was watching and there was no work to be done. They never drank or smoked any of the plants from my special garden. They were funny too, hilarious when you got them going. Honestly, they had amazing personalities…but they were SO UGLY! I couldn’t take it anymore. Ever since they had been created they had strived to make Eden a better place, they increased the animal population, created a fresh irrigation water supply and even found and banished Satan…..BUT FUCK THEY WERE SOOOO UGLY! So I finally kicked them out telling them it was time for them to show me what they got out in the real world or something retarded like that. I decided I was going to re-create Eden but with only beautiful immaculately perfect looking people. So that’s what I did!

About a month later Eden was burned to the ground and nearly all of my beautiful people lay dead, half of them either starved or their body ravaged by herpes, the bad kind too not the good one. I was so upset I went for a walk in the real world. After a while I came upon a bustling village. Its streets were filled with stores, banks, movie theatres and people. Something was off though, it took me a minute but I figured it out, most of them, not all of them but MOST of them were ugly, just like Chester and Heather. I went to the Mayor’s office and lo and behold there they were, both of them in charge of this up and coming city fresh on the population brink of having over 1 million people in it. I was extremely shocked and appalled. I inquired where the gorgeous Adam and Eve were and they showed me to the local play house were my first two creations worked. They were currently producing a play about how scary dirty fingernails were. The play was as bad as the mayor and his wife looked but no one in the audience seemed to care.

“They don’t come here for the story God; they come here for the eye candy. It doesn’t matter how poorly the play is acted or how shitty the story line is, as long as it features tight leather clothing and at least 4 gratuitous 20 minute sex scenes people will continue to come and see it. At $85 dollars a ticket….well you see our point.”
But I couldn’t I just couldn’t. Ugly people thriving? Getting ahead and being happy? Ugg, I wanted to kill myself. I left resigning my thoughts to the firm belief that it would never last, the beautiful people would breed and no matter how foolish they might be they would take over, or at least they would over a little portion of the world were it was always sunny and beautiful, A place where they could be so vane, that all the beautiful people would convene daily to celebrate their hotness and even put the name of their town on the side of a hill or mountain in great big white bubble letters. Nope, ugly people would soon be a thing of the past, a tiny smudge on the etch-a-sketch of earth.

2007 years later and I can’t even look at you fuckin people anymore, it’s fuckin gross. It’s getting so bad that even beautiful Eve’s are marrying butt fugly Chester’s so they can have money and power. I’m a laughing stock at the club and I haven’t invented anything in over 50 years. My only hope is that the Uglies get over confident and start sleeping around like the beautiful ones do. Thank me I invented aids. Thank me.