by Jon
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The only reason I want one.
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First things first. I don’t make mistakes. Everything I do has a reason and a purpose leading into other reasons and purposes that then either end or carry on, whatever the situation I promise you one thing, I meant for that to happen…whatever it is that may of happened. But even the good lord opens up and peruses through his journal every now and then and looking back on Jesus’ whole time on earth, I think had I given him a light saber his message would have resonated more among the infidels and unbelievers possibly leading to a much less messy and embarrassing end.
Before I sent my son to the planet I discussed this strategy with him and he was all for it. But at the time I think he was just enamored with the “nnnrrooom nnnrruuuum” sound it made. So, in all honesty, I didn’t take his opinion very seriously. I put enough soul and passion into my Christ that I was convinced his message would be heard loud and clear. Hell, the message was as simple as you could possibly get. I don’t need to add any effects to it! Well I’ll tell ya, Jesus was pretty pissed when he got back. Between the stoning, the cross, the cave and resurrection it was obvious he hadn’t had much sleep and was just looking for a fight. So naturally (and selfishly if you ask me) he decided to argue directly with the person responsible, this guy.
At the time I didn’t really want to listen, what the hell did he know anyway? He’s my Jesus and I’ll do what I want with him, like I said, I meant for the whole cross thing to happen anyway. But he wouldn’t let it go. He kept hanging around the palace muttering things under his breath like: “Man o man a sword of light would of really helped while getting stoned by a legion of angry townsfolk not to mention it would have been nice for a fire in that dark cave for three days.” Amazingly he still does it, I recall a comment I heard just a few weeks ago: “Oh man I can’t find the remote, SURE COULD USE A LIGHT SABER RIGHT NOW. Too bad I don’t have one. (sigh)”.
Frankly I find his bitching really getting on my nerves, but I made a pact that I would only send him to earth once so that’s that. Though I will say everyone thinks he is coming again, personally I never envisioned a sequel but with so many fans wanting and the guy basically pissing me the hell off at every turn, for the right price I could be convinced. Plus this time it would be different. Perhaps I will send him packing this time. It would sure has hell shock the naysayer’s and if anyone gave him shit, he could just cut of their head, no blood either, that’s a positive.
But I think it’s the simplicity that scares me, where’s the challenge? Where’s the fight? If he can just end anyone so simply and, let’s face it, so awesomely badass; will he work for his goals or just slice through them? I want him to earn his second chance, he needs to convince billions of people this time, not just millions and while a light saber would definitely help in the “cool guy with a light saber and sandals” department I doubt it would help in the “I’m ready to give up my drugs, guns and gratuitous sex for this hippie in sandals” department. Let’s be real here.
So I guess I am still in the principal photography stage of a possible Jesus 2. I suppose there would have to be an addition to the bible on top of everything and oh myself the paperwork! Also, and this is just a rumor, if given a color choice of light saber Jesus is seriously considering aquamarine and that is simply NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! But rest assured, whatever does happen; it will be exactly what I meant to have happen.
Whatever in the hell that ends up being.
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