But truth be told my friends. None of us will ever make a difference, a real difference anyway. There are those who have; Martin Luther King, George Bush, Abraham Lincoln, Dale Earnhardt Jr., but the common everyday cup o’ joe will never really change the world. So what does that do to our drive to try and make difference? Well it pretty much kills it. There are some who fight it and do good stuff anyway, and all the power to them, I like to be the beneficiary of “good stuff”. But let’s face it, most of us spend our time working towards our next hit whatever it may be. So how are we supposed to be good people? We can’t really make a difference on any grand scale and there’s virtually no trust among people unless you know them directly. Then I was watching the news and I understood, eureka I found the solution. If you want to be a good person and be remembered, if only for a short while, all you have to do is die.

It’s true! As soon as somebody passes away he becomes the flagship for self sacrifice and love. “He was such a good person”. “He brought sunshine and smiles wherever he went”. “He baked a pie once, it was fantastic”. No matter how much of a douche’ bag you have been in real life, I guarantee you that if you were to die, doesn’t matter how, that you will rise to hero status to all those around you. You will get a story in the local news, maybe even the national news depending on how stupid or patriotic your death was. People wear ribbons of your favorite color to remember you. They will start funds and scholarships in your name. People who hardly knew you will cry and scream your name in the raining streets all because you are dead and they are not. You are a martyr, a hero; you fought the good fight and lost.

The best part is, it don’t matter how you die. Car accident, shot in a drug deal, suicide, heart explosion. Hell, you could be scoring crack from a 12 year old prostitute at 3 in the morning on a Tuesday when her pimp accidentally shoots you. It doesn’t matter, the next day people you knew and some you didn’t know will be singing your praises. “He always did the right thing; he was so honorable, and so kind. The world will miss him greatly.” It’s amazing because age doesn’t matter! It’s the only point in this world where a retarded six year old who got hit by a bus is on the same level as an 85 year old German biologist that discovered the cure to cancer. “They were both so heroic. They both brought out the best in people wherever they went.” In all honesty, a lot of people suck balls, their rude, stupid and full of themselves. But with all these comments going on about people after they die, you would think that the whole world would only have assholes left, because only the best of our race are dying.

I just wish once, a mother or father, hell even a sibling would get on TV and say “listen, my cousin was a complete douche’ bag, he did crack, fucked under age girls and stole shit. It sounds heartless but the world is actually a safer place now that he is gone. Oh yeah, and he was a beacon of light which we should all hope to guide our souls towards.”

The basic fact seems to be that if we wanted to truly honor our dead, why would we lie? I know we loved this person, but it’s getting ridiculous how they become everything in death that they never could be in life. Just tell the truth, if the guy was a dick then throw a party that he’s gone celebrating how you’ll never have to deal with his shit again. I would much rather know that someone got drunk and possibly laid because of my death rather than knowing a bunch of self righteous bitches sat around in a circle and talked about how I changed the world, because I didn’t, I was a dick and most likely deserved what I got.

And maybe that alone makes me the greatest hero of them all.

Remember me.