by Jon
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...their army is growing...
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Hey it’s me, that is to say you from the past, this is 26 year old Jon. Things are good for us at this age, I have my hair, my skin is still smooth and I only feel a “little bit” creepy when I go to high school parties. I look forward to years of fun, laughter, heartache and muscle tension, all of the years which have already long passed you by. Like a discarded piece of parchment you now float in the air, waiting for a strong wind to throw you away while the rest of the world moves on. I hope you are keeping your head up and at least still alive, jeez this will be a waste if you aren’t.
I figure I should contact you now while I am still of sound mind, because honestly with the way things are going, I don’t know how long that mind is going to last. I write to you as an epidemic is sweeping our world. The baby boomers are all getting older and their parents won’t seem to die off. With huge advances in both the medical fields and pant technology, people are living longer and looking better than ever. One would figure this was a sign of great stride and significance, that we as humans were advancing well beyond years that the good lord and sweet lady Earth intended us for. But as with everything there is a sharp edge to this silver, wrinkly, kinda smelly cloud. We as a nation and world are now being overrun with old people, which normally wouldn’t be a problem because old people are so easy to knock down that we can live our lives around and sometimes through or over them. No the problem isn’t just in their numbers, the problem is in the increasing amount of elderly folks who are just plain fucking crazy, and some are even powerful enough to effect the world we all live in! If you haven’t been destroyed or joined their ranks by now, then I beg of you to escape and join the rebellion, even if your part of the rebellion is yelling at the clock radio and eating peaches in a can, which I am sure by then will be genetically engineered Peaches that can no doubt eat you as fast as you can eat them. No matter what you do just please please DON’T BECOME A CRAZY OLD MAN!
I see it everywhere I go. Old people driving, old people working, old people eating Chinese food. They think they’re one of us, that just because they have lived so long it entitles them to not only the same joys and conveniences of us beautiful young people but even special treatment. They already receive so much; god knows I won’t see a dime of social security later in my life, along with discounts, lavish nursing home palaces, and just the general protective bubble that gets put over you just for being old in general.
A part of me can’t blame them future Jon! You spend your life working; only to find out as you near the end that there is no secret treasure map you receive at 63 to lead you to the land of fruit and honey. That even at 63 you still have to pay your dues, that all those times your mother told you she loved you and that you were special were all a lie and no one cares, and still they won’t die. We all have to go through it, as you are right now and I will one day (assuming you’re not dead already). But the problem arises when you get angry with being old, when you get frustrated and try to reverse the natural changes your body goes through as it decomposes like a piece of trash on the side of the highway. When you find out you can’t change these things, IF you ever accept it that is, you get even angrier and god forbid you’re still working or in any sort of power position, because the only people who will be paying for your hurt and loss will be those below you who are, most likely, much younger. They resent the young because of their youth and opportunity they see squandered and the young hate them because…well they can be total douche’ bags who are convinced the world would fall apart if they were not in it. Even though, in reality, old people can do nothing, not even lift a heavy box. Just try it out future old man Jon, pick a box in the house and try to lift it…can you? I thought so.
As such a young virile man it is a shame for me to dwell on a topic so useless and wrinkly as the elderly, but just drive for 20 minutes in any state and you wonder how we can stop this epidemic. We can’t kill them off or send them away like in The Giver, it always seems to backfire and kill young people. We can’t ship them somewhere because not even Mexico would take them and Florida is over capacity. So the only way I figure to stop the tirade is to not become one myself. If I can avoid becoming….oh my….oh shit. Old man Jon of the future, they know, somehow they know, there are a bunch of motorized scooters and Cadillac sedans in my drive way, I hear noise downstairs…wait….
This is it me…of the future. I believe they are coming for me…of the past. Do what you can future Jon, I hope you can get this letter and stop…wait…wait a minute…If I’m here…and you’re…me….
…damn
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