| KansASS is at it again. |
7/20/2003 |
by Jon
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An aerial view of Kansas's pristine land
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In what was named Operation “Rock You Like a Hurricane,” Kansas made a bold move switching from the long practiced seven (7) day week to the newly developed nine (9) day week. Kansas had been debating the move for nearly three years and finally passed legislation yesterday making it a state-wide law.
Residents wanted more relaxation time and decided that adding two more days to the weekend would help them achieve their full chi’ to begin each new week. Fourteen (14) days ago, the Kansas Governors Council and Mac Calloway, the Federal Law Council and Supreme Time Master, had a sit in/slumber party together. After many long hours of debating, deciding who the cutest boy on the town council was, and braiding one another’s hair, they came forward and decided to approve the change. With the new plan, Kansas’s week will consist of the normal Monday through Friday days, in addition to their new four (4) day weekend featuring the days Saturday, Sunday, Bubday, and Sergeant Wags-a-lot Day, in memory of Mr. Calloway’s late Labrador.
The rest of the country is unhappy and outraged with Kansas’s decision. Most Americans have described the switch as “complete horseshit,” demanding they be told why they only get two weekend days and “KansASS” gets four? “This is complete horseshit! I demand to be told why we only get two weekend days and KansASS gets four?!” noted John Smith, an American living outside Kansas.
The president is currently organizing an assault strike on Kansas if they don’t cease and desist and return to the long-standing 7-day week.
When questioned about the threat, the Kansas governor seemed quite calm. “By the time a strike force is prepared we will have a vast army to meet our foes in combat. For you see, it takes a woman in the rest of America an average of 40 weeks to produce a human child. Here in Kansas, it only takes 31 weeks. Soon we will be ruling America and then the whole world. Oh yes, it won’t be long before the entire planet will be watching rodeos and tolerating fiddling music about pick-up trucks and three legged dogs. Boy Howdy! MWUUAHAAAHAHH, MWUAHHAHAHAHAH.”
Mac could not be reached for questioning.
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