No…no you don’t….unless your dead, then yes….yes you did.

Then why do you skip right to Christmas after Halloween? How in the hell did Halloween get more respect than Thanksgiving, Their BOTH about eating a lot of shit and spending time with your family. It seems to me that celebrating the holidays has not only resulted in massive amounts of debt and holiday depression but also the horrible sacrifice of one of our most bullshit holidays; Thanks Giving!

Let’s be real, most holidays now are about as novel and meaningful as ass butter. It’s more about getting stuff. What baffles me is how we have lost our tolerance with Thanksgiving, it’s the bastard relative we don’t like to talk about but is actually a great guy to be around if you don’t mind hanging out in the den with the smokers. People get so excited for Christmas, which usually ends up being a nightmare, that they don’t really put that much heart in to Thanksgiving, which can actually end up being the better of the two holidays.

Now I can bitch and complain like everyone else that the holiday stores put their Christmas displays up too early, that people decorate too early and that they need to relax and take their time. But everyone has bitched and moaned I am more interested in a solution. I believe that Thanks Giving may be getting corn holed because of the lack of festive songs related to the holiday. Even Halloween has a soundtrack thanks to Tim Burton’s A Nightmare before Christmas. If it had some catchy songs sung by either hot people or really good singers then there would be something to circumvent the hole Christmas Song kick, which really is one of the bigger parts of the holiday season. That and 1970 Claymation movies.

So long story short I wrote a song, it goes to the tune of “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” by Burl Ives, in fact imagine he is singing it as a Claymation turkey or something. Sing it around your turkey table with friends and family. The point is, if only for a moment, to give Thanks for Thanksgiving itself. To appreciate it, if only for a second before the nightmarish hell of Christmas begins. Even the day after Thanksgiving has an ominous name. And once December hits and the leftovers are gone, a little piece of every heart will be wishing towards that Cold November day and the roasting pie in the oven, the stuffing under the tin foil and fighting over who was gonna go wake uncle Jack in the den who probably passed out smoking a butt. God bless us everyone.

Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Have a Really Enjoyable Thanksgiving

Have a really enjoyable Thanksgiving
It’s the time before the best time of the year
Don’t be a hog, with all that nog
Pass some over here

Have a really enjoyable Thanksgiving
And as you walk down the street
Get some Jell-O for the dieting friends you know
Cause some pies they just can’t eat

Gobble
Goo
Dark Meat for you
White if you prefer

Somebody’s staring at you
I guess your plates for her

Have a really enjoyable Thanksgiving
Stock up on biscuits and beer

Oh my Molasses!
Have a really enjoyable Thanks giving this yearrrrrrrrrrrrr