I wish I was a dog. Cause I wanna poop on your rug.
by Tom Silvestro | |
Bush
1. No questions with words containing more than one syllable. 2. Podium must have gun rack. 3. Senator Kerry is not allowed to salute more than 12 times. 4. No one shall be allowed to play "the Smart Card." 5. Opening act: Ted Nugent. 6. "Phone a Friend" option. 7. Requires at least 1 kilo of his "debatin' powder" in dressing room. 8. I double-dare you. |
 Bush arrived 4 hours early and mistakenly began debating a stage hand. |
 A platform both parties can agree on. |
Kerry
1. All green M&Ms shall be removed from bowl in dressing room. 2. Snoop Dogg will translate long winded and boring answers by adding "izzle" to every word. 3. Anti-droop facial jelly under podium. 4. Jim Lehrer Opening Statement Medley with Billy Crystal must be no longer than 3 minutes. 5. President Bush is only allowed to be "extremely smug" as opposed to "obscenely shit-eating-grin smug." 6. 'Nam-style Russian Roulette Lightening Debate Round 7. I accept the physical challenge. |