Here I am enjoying the city's fine, exotic cuisine. I'm holding what's called a "chicken finger". A little too spicy for me, take it back, Mr. Irish Man!

In this shot I am partaking in the time honored New York tradition of "Woman punching." What fun!

In some bars the patrons play darts, in others they play pinball, but only in a New York bar do they play with your mind! I've never cried so much!

What wrong with this picture? I'll tell ya what: this woman is COMPLETELY naked! I'm serious! Look carefully at the picture, you can see her things and that other thing. You always remember your first...

Here we are calling the police after spotting something of utmost importance on the subway tracks. You guessed it. An uneaten hamburger. What a thoughtless waste! It was probably dropped there by the fella lying next to it. He was yelling something at us but it was hard to hear with the train coming.

Let me tell ya, folks, get off a the wrong subway stop and you are (pardon my French) screwed! We wound up in some place called "New Jersey" (I think it's one of the boroughs). Stumbling off into a corn field, my trip to the magical city of lights and odors had ended.